Life Skills

Now that you are at secondary school, if you haven't already, you might want to learn some of the more difficult dressing tasks. Things like doing shirt buttons and tying your shoelaces. Lots of secondary schools ask you to wear a school tie so you might need to learn to do that too. 

School Shirts

• Start buttoning at the bottom of the shirt. It is easier to line up the bottom to make sure the buttons and holes match.
• If shirt buttons are difficult, you can reduce the amount of buttons you need to do. This might make changing for P.E.
  • Just undo the top 3 or 4 buttons and then take the shirt off over your head.
  • Then put the shirt on over your head and you only have to do a few buttons.
• Top buttons are always more difficult to fasten. You can’t see what your hands are doing. The top buttonhole is also in a different direction.
  • Top buttons don't need to be fastened, you can just leave them undone.
  • Practice with the shirt on the table where you can see it.
• Cuffs can be difficult too.
  • Try leaving cuff buttons done up.
  • Sew a piece of elastic across the cuffs or use elastic thread to sew the button on so that you can stretch the cuffs open to push your hand through.
  • Try a short sleeve shirt.

School Tie

As you move through school you might need to wear a school tie. You might just need a tie in school photographs or special occasions when you are at Primary School. Lots of secondary schools have a tie as part of the uniform and you might need to wear a school tie every day. It helps to be able to tie a tie by yourself so that changing for P.E. is not an issue.

Use the videos below to learn how to tie your tie.

Right handed

View our Step by Step (Photograph) Guide for Tying School Tie (Right Handed).

Left handed

View our Step by Step (Photograph) Guide for Tying School Tie (Left Handed).

If you do find learning to tie your school tie difficult then there are other things you can try:

• Use clip on or elastic ties.
• Ask someone to tie your tie for you the first time. To take your tie off just loosen it and slip it over your head. Now you can slip it on over your head and tighten it up.

Shoelaces

Learning to tie shoelaces is hard. Learning to tie laces before you need to wear shoes that need to be tied is a good idea.

Tips for young people:

• There are lots of different ways to tie shoelaces. Watch different videos of how to tie shoelaces. Try the way that makes the most sense to you. If that is too tricky try something else. Keep going until you find the way that is right for you.
• Make time to practice. Don't leave it until the last minute.
• Sit down or kneel down. Sitting on a chair or a step might be easier. If you find this difficult, you could learn and practice with the shoe on a table in front of you. Once you find this easy, try with the shoe on your foot.
• Ask for help if you need it. It can be hard to learn all the steps in one go. Have someone help you with most of the steps and you can learn the last one. Each time your helper will do a bit less for you.

For more information download Shoelaces Information for Young People.

Tips for parents / carers:

• Your child might prefer to tie their laces in a different way from you. You can start by teaching them to same way you do but if they are finding this difficult try different methods. There are lots of videos available showing different ways to tie laces. Try them all until you find the one that works for your child.
• Teach one step at a time. You could try using the backward chaining technique.
• Practice every day, when you are not in a rush.
• Get your child to sit or kneel down so they don't have to balance while they are learning to tie their laces.

This video has some hints and tips and shows you different ways to tie your laces.

Find our step by step guides below:
Initial Knot
One Loop Method
New Method
Double Knotting at the End

At this stage in your life, personal hygiene is really important. You might be taking more of an interest in your appearance too. Below are some ideas to help you to be as independent as possible.

Bathing, Showering and Washing

• Set up a routine for bathing/showering. Do it on the same days and at the same time each day. You could set reminders on your phone or add getting washed to a daily timetable to help you remember.
• Ask an adult to teach you how to test the temperature of the water in the bath or shower so that you don't burn yourself.
• Always use a non-slip mat on the floor of the bath/shower so you don't slip.
• Wash your body parts in the same order each time, you can use a visual checklist to make sure you wash everything.  
• Sitting down in the bath or shower can be easier so you don't have to think about balancing.
• Use visual checklists to help you remember the steps of the task. Have the pictures in a place that you can see. You could try having them laminated and on the wall of the shower.
• Modify the task:
  
  • If twisting the lid off the shower gel is hard use a bar of soap.
  • If you find the feel of the shower uncomfortable or painful can you wash at the sink? 

There are lots of resources about keeping yourself clean, using deodorant and other personal hygiene task for young people with additional support needs on the Relationships, Sexual Health and Parenthood website. 

Hair Care

Hair care involves lots of different things including brushing/combing, cutting, washing and drying. If hair care is difficult for you talk to a trusted adult about why this is and what might help. This could help you to work out which strategies might work best for you. If you don't know then you might need to work as a detective to make a best guess and use trial and error to find the strategies that work best.

Modify the task:

• Think about how you can make the task easier. If you dislike having your hair brushed then keeping hair short or tied back/plaited means less brushing. If you don't like water in your eyes or ears you could use ear plugs or goggles. If you don't like shampoo try different types (liquid/gel, solid bar, dry/powder), different scents or unscented products to find something you like.
• Try different tools: hairbrushes/combs including long-handled varieties, hairdryers, hair straighteners microfibre towels, hair clippers/razor, scissors, hair dryer stand or clamp.
• Try different products liquid, solid bar, dry shampoo, conditioning bar, cream, detangling spray, leave in products, unscented products.
• Experiment with shower versus the bath for washing hair. If you have a shower over the bath try taking the detachable hose off the hook and using it on right on your head.
• Sit down so you don't have to balance and do the task.
• Learn one step at a time.
• Watch videos of how to do the task.

Make it predictable:

• Set rules around how often, where, when and how you do these tasks.
• Have a routine so that it happens in the same way every time.
• Try using visual timetables like now and next, or a sequence chart or a visual timer so you know when it will finish.
• Use distraction if you need to - watch a favourite video or listen to music.
• Being in control can make it easier to tolerate, so do it for yourself rather than getting someone else to do it for you.
• Keep all your tools/products in one place.

Think about the environment:

• Make sure the environment is safe, use a non-slip mat in the bath/shower and learn how to test the temperature of the water, etc.
• Use a mirror so you can see what is happening and what you are doing.
• Go to the barbers or hairdresser at quiet times. Getting to know the barber/hair dresser and visiting even when not getting a hair cut can be helpful for some people.
• Reduce other sensory demands - if you don't like the feel of a hair cut, reduce noise, turn the lights down etc.

Managing Periods

Prepare for your periods:

• Read about puberty, what to expect and how your body might change (see resources below)
• Try different types of sanitary products. There are lots of options out there, disposable/reusable sanitary towels and tampons, menstrual cups and period pants. Talk with a trusted adult about what you think would work best for you. Sanitary towels and period pants are usually a good starting point.
• Once you have decided what will work best, practice using them. Practice all the steps. Remember to practice opening the product, putting it in/out of pants and disposing of it appropriately. Practice until you are confident with all the steps.
• Some people need pictures to help them understand what to do. There are some resources below. Some products also have pictures in the instructions. You may need to put the pictures beside the toilet to remind yourself what to do.
• Many girls and women find period pants to be more comfortable. They are particularly useful for anyone who physically struggles with putting in and taking out a sanitary towel or for people who have difficulty managing each step in the right order.
• Practice wearing pads or period pants from time to time before starting your periods. This can help you to get used to how it feels. Start with just a minute or two and gradually build up over time.
• Remember that hygiene is particularly important when you are on your period. Remember to change your pads/pants/tampon/cup every few hours, shower/wash every day and wash your hands before and after going to the toilet.
• Keep a bin close to the toilet so you can dispose of used pads/tampons. If using reusable products make sure you have somewhere to put them until you are ready to wash them (a wet/wash bag or specific bin/bucket with a lid).
• In public toilets use the sanitary disposal bin. If you need to ask a trusted adult to show you how it works. These should be used for pads and tampons.
• When you first start your periods, you might have accidents, or get blood on your hands, the floor or clothes. This is normal. Keeping a small pack of baby wipes with your sanitary pads will help with any clean up. Have a change of pants/trousers and fresh products in your school bag. Practise cleaning up and changing at home. Put used wipes in the bin. Do not flush wipes or sanitary products down the toilet.
• Keep track of your periods by marking it on a calendar (you can mark the start and end of your period). This will help you to learn to predict when your next period is due so that you are prepared and have period products with you.
• Remember to take a bag with a change of clothes and sanitary products to any clubs or activities.

Sensory Aspects of Periods

The onset of periods can be particularly challenging for some neurodivergent young people or others who have heightened sensory awareness. Periods involve a lot of new sensory experiences including:

• the feeling of blood leaking from the vagina
• the smell of the blood or the sanitary products (either when new or used)
• the look of blood in pants or on toilet paper
• the feeling of the sanitary towel or period pants
• the fear of touching the blood
• the feeling of stomach cramps, sore breasts or other hormone related body changes.

You might not be able to identify what is making you feel uncomfortable or upset so trial and error may be required to get to the bottom of it.

Experiment with hygiene products: different brands of sanitary towels, menstrual cups, tampons and period pants, to find what is most comfortable and preferred.

Changing towels, tampons, or pants more frequently may help reduce the smell. A perfume or body spray that your child likes may help cover smells. Many disposable sanitary products are perfumed. If this is an issue, then look for unscented products or reusable products.

Using disposable gloves may reduce anxiety about touching blood – gloves that fit well are easier to use.

Have wipes available – remember not to flush wipes down the toilet, dispose of them in the bin.

If you are afraid or anxious about blood, you might need to prepare well in advance, using pictures like those included in the resources below.

If you are struggling with pain, heavy periods or mood swings, discuss this with a trusted adult and your GP to find out what would be helpful to manage these symptoms.

Resources:

• Starting your periods NHS UK
• What are Periods? Young Scot
• Talking to your child about their body and puberty Parent Club
• Let's talk about puberty Down Syndrome Scotland
• The Autism Friendly Guide to Periods
• What’s Happening to Ellie: A book about puberty for girls with autism and other related conditions by Kate E Reynolds
• Special Girls Business by Fay Angelo, Heather Pritchard and Rose Stewart (This book has been written for girls with special needs. It takes girls and their carers step by step through the process of managing periods)
• Puberty Relationships, Sexual Health and Parenthood - has information about menstruation/periods and other topics for young people with additional support needs. 

Nail Care

Some young people have difficulty tolerating nail cutting. Start by talking to a trusted adult about what you don’t like about nail care. This will help you to work out which strategies to try. If you can't tell what is bothering you, you will need to be a detective and make a best guess about what you are finding distressing and use trial and error to find the strategies that work best. 

Here are some suggestions for you to try:

• Try different tools: nail scissors (curved or straight), nail clippers, nail file. You might need to experiment with a few different things before finding what is most comfortable for you. Some people take a little while to adapt to new sensations so try to use a new tool 4 or 5 times before trying the next thing.
• Use visual supports like now and next to help you understand what is happening.
• Try cutting or filing nails after a bath when your nails are a bit softer.
• Break the task down into tiny steps and do one step at a time. For example, just cut one nail.
• Use distraction: Watch a favourite video, use a fidget tool or listen to music while you cut your nails.
• Sometimes it can be easier to tolerate nail care if you can cut or file your own nails.

Teeth Brushing

Brushing your teeth is an essential part of looking after your body. You should be brushing their teeth at least twice a day. You can find out more from:

• The Oral Health Foundation: Teens' teeth - Oral Health Foundation

Understanding money, budgeting and saving are important life skills. You will probably want to be more independent in managing and spending your money. You might learn some of the skills for managing your money in Maths at school. Your family might also be able to help you learn these skills.

Having a bank account can teach you how to manage saving and spending. Check this on a weekly or monthly basis with a trusted adult. This means you have to manage your money across the whole month. Talk about how the adult budgets so you can start to do the same.

It is important to learn how to pay for things with cash, card and contactless. Practice in real life. If you often lose money try using a wallet or purse to keep your money safe. You could use a keychain so you can attach it to your bag or your trousers. 

Lots of schools have a cashless payment system for school meals. These work in different ways, some use a card and other use a code. If you have a card and often lose it you could try putting it on your keys or inside your phone case. If you have to remember a code you could put this in your phone.

It is important to understand the value of money. Talk about what things cost and why some things are more expensive than others.

The following websites have information about managing money:

• Young Scot: Money and Me
• The National Autistic Society has an online module designed to help autistic people manage their money.

Outing Budget Activity

Work with a friend or family member. Set a budget for a trip to the cinema. How will you work out how much to spend on travel, cinema tickets, popcorn, juice and/or food after the cinema?

Lunch Menu and Budget Activity

Work with a friend of family member. Set a daily/weekly budget for lunch. Using the lunch menu and budget activity sheet select lunch items for each day of week. Count up total cost and how much money is left from your budget? Will this last the week? Are there things you can change to make your money last the week?

At home give lots of opportunities to practice with money, talk about money and the costs of things. When out and about give opportunities to let your child pay for items, to look at the costs of things. Money Helper has more information about How to teach teenagers about money.