Skills for Independence

When children start at school they are usually still learning to do some parts of getting themselves dressed. At school children often have to change for P.E., change their shoes and put on/take off their jacket. By the time they are getting ready to go to secondary school they can usually do all parts of dressing, including tying shoe laces and a school tie.

You can find resources to help your child to develop early dressing skills and learn to do basic fastenings on the Moving On To Primary School page.

Tips for School Shirts

• Teach your child to start buttoning at the bottom of a shirt. It is easier to line up the bottom to make sure the buttons and holes match.
• If shirt buttons are tricky, limit the number of buttons your child has to do.
  • Get them to undo to top 4 or 5 buttons and then take the shirt off over their head.
  • They can then put the shirt on over their head and only have to do a few buttons.
• Top buttons are always more difficult to fasten, as your child can’t see what their hands are doing. The top buttonhole is also in a different direction.
  • Top buttons don't need to be fastened.
  • Give them lots of practice with the shirt on the table where they can see first.
• Cuffs can be tricky too.
  • Try leaving cuff buttons done up.
  • Sew a piece of elastic across the cuffs or use elastic thread to sew the button on so that your child can stretch the cuffs open to push their hand through.
  • Try a short sleeve shirt.

Footwear

Find out more about Choosing Footwear for Children on the Association of Paediatric Chartered Physiotherapists website.

Shoelaces

Learning to tie shoelaces is hard. Learning to tie laces before you need to wear shoes that need to be tied is a good idea.

Tips for young people:

• There are lots of different ways to tie shoelaces. Watch different videos of how to tie shoelaces. Try the way that makes the most sense to you. If that is too tricky try something else. Keep going until you find the way that is right for you.
• Make time to practice. Don't leave it until the last minute.
• Sit down or kneel down. Sitting on a chair or a step might be easier. If you find this difficult, you could learn and practice with the shoe on a table in front of you. Once you find this easy, try with the shoe on your foot.
• Ask for help if you need it. It can be hard to learn all the steps in one go. Have someone help you with most of the steps and you can learn the last one. Each time your helper will do a bit less for you.

For more information download Shoelaces Information for Young People.

Tips for parents / carers:

• Your child might prefer to tie their laces in a different way from you. You can start by teaching them to same way you do but if they are finding this difficult try different methods. There are lots of videos available showing different ways to tie laces. Try them all until you find the one that works for your child.
• Teach one step at a time. You could try using the backward chaining technique.
• Practice every day, when you are not in a rush.
• Get your child to sit or kneel down so they don't have to balance while they are learning to tie their laces.

This video has some hints and tips and shows you different ways to tie your laces.

Find our step by step guides below:
Initial Knot
One Loop Method
New Method
Double Knotting at the End

School Tie

As you move through school you might need to wear a school tie. You might just need a tie in school photographs or special occasions when you are at Primary School. Lots of secondary schools have a tie as part of the uniform and you might need to wear a school tie every day. It helps to be able to tie a tie by yourself so that changing for P.E. is not an issue.

Use the videos below to learn how to tie your tie.

Right handed

View our Step by Step (Photograph) Guide for Tying School Tie (Right Handed).

Left handed

View our Step by Step (Photograph) Guide for Tying School Tie (Left Handed).

If you do find learning to tie your school tie difficult then there are other things you can try:

• Use clip on or elastic ties.
• Ask someone to tie your tie for you the first time. To take your tie off just loosen it and slip it over your head. Now you can slip it on over your head and tighten it up.

Every family's mealtime is different. Some families sit at a dining room table, others kneel at a low table, some families sit on the sofa and some families eat at different times. Some families use cutlery and others eat with their hands. Whatever works for your family is best for your child. 

They should be able to use a fork, spoon and chop sticks if they have been using these regularly. Lots of children enjoy using their hands. Keep encouraging your child to learn kitchen skills like putting snack foods into a bowl, putting toppings on a pizza base or stirring cake mix. With practice your child can learn to use a knife for spreading and cutting.

Sitting to eat and drink

Being well supported when you are eating is easier as you don't have to think about your balance. You can help your child to feel secure by:

• putting a cushion behind their back so that their back is supported
• giving them a firm cushion or booster seat to sit on so that they can reach the table
• giving them a chair with a footrest or putting something under their feet to make them more stable
• letting them kneel on the chair
• if they are sitting on the sofa using a lap tray might make it easier
• if they are sitting or kneeling at a low table having their back against the wall or another hard surface might help.

Using cutlery

There are lots of ways you can help your child learn to use cutlery:

• Always set the dishes and utensils out in the same way to develop a routine and help your child find items at each meal.
• Think about the utensils you are using:
  • Cutlery with thick and/or textured handles are easier to hold
  • Cutlery with a short handle is easier to control
  • Heavier cutlery can also be easier to control
  • Bowls or plates with a raised edge stop the food from falling off
  • A non-slip mat underneath the bowl/plate stops it from sliding around.
• Think about the food:
  • Foods that stick to the cutlery (like yoghurt, porridge, mashed potato) are less likely to spill
  • Soft foods are easier to stab and cut
  • Harder food are good for learning to spread with a knife.
• A good way to teach your child a new skill, is to break down each task into small steps and teach them the last step first. Once they can do the last step of the task, teach them the second-last step, then the third-last step and so on. This is called backward chaining.
• Take your time and be consistent. Learning a new skill takes time so persevere with giving support until you feel that your child is making progress.
• Make it fun. Get them involved in kitchen tasks and baking.
• Practice, practice, practice! Give your child opportunities for practice every day.

Safe Foods

Some children have limited diets for lots of different reasons. This might mean that they do not want to eat what is provided at school. If this is the case it is important that they can access their safe foods and drinks (the ones you know that they will eat) so talk to school about your child's safe foods and drinks.  

Packed Lunches and Snacks

There are lots of things to think about. You need to make sure your child can open all the packets and containers to be able to eat and drink. Practising at home will boost your child's confidence.

• Choose the right lunch bag
  • make sure it is big enough to hold lunch and snack with extra room to make it easy to put everything away when your child is finished
  • look for a lunch bag with a zip, make sure it doesn't unzip all the way round as this can be hard to zip up when they are done and add a zip pull to make it easier if you need to
  • avoid a lunch bag that is too small and needs things packed in just the right way to fit everything in
  • you might need to show them how to open and close their lunch bag and practice with them
  • you might need to show them how to put everything back into their lunch bag when they are finished too.

• Choose the right drinks bottle
  • most schools will prefer a plastic bottle
  • look for something that your child can open easily, a flip up straw or sports cap might work
  • avoid pouch drinks/drinking cartons with straws and lids that you need to twist off.

• Think about containers and packets
  • snip corners of pre-packaged foods (bars, small bags) so your child can open them
  • look for easy to open and close plastic containers you might need to show them how to open and close these.

As your child moves through school they will get more confident with these tasks and you can reduce the support you give.

School Dinners

There are different things to think about when your child has school meals.

As your child grows and develops they will start to become more independent with bathing and grooming. They will probably need reminders and supervision for safety until primary 6 or 7. By the time they are getting ready to go to secondary school they might be more interested in their appearance and take more care over this.

Bathing Independently

To help your child become independent with washing there are lots of things that you can try.

• Have a consistent routine for bathing/showering
  • Have your child bathe/shower on the same days each week, aim to do it at a similar time such as before school or as part of the bedtime routine.
  • Wash or get them to wash their body parts in the same order each time.
• Make sure your child is safe in the bath or shower. Have a non-slip mat on the floor. Show them how to test the temperature of the water. 
• Sitting down in the bath or shower can be easier as your child doesn't have to worry about balancing.
• Teach one step at a time like opening the shower gel or shampoo, washing their face, drying their body.
• Use visual checklists to help your child with remembering the steps of the task. Have the pictures in a place that your child can see them such as laminated and on the wall of the shower. Remind your child to look at the next picture in the sequence rather than telling them what to do.
• Modify the task:
  
  • If twisting the lid off the shower gel is hard use a bar of soap.
  • If they find the feel of the shower uncomfortable or painful can they wash at the sink? 

Hair Care

Hair care involves lots of different things including brushing/combing, cutting and washing and drying. If hair care is difficult for your child talk to them about why this is and what might help. This could help you to work out which strategies might work best for your child/young person. If they can't tell you then you might need to work as a detective to make a best guess and use trial and error to find the strategies that work best.

Modify the task:

• Think about how you can make the task easier. If your child dislikes having their hair brushed then keeping hair short or tied back/plaited means less brushing. If they don't like water in their eyes or ears can they use ear plugs or goggles. If they don't like shampoo try different types (liquid/gel, solid bar, dry/powder), different scents or unscented products to find something they like.
• Try different tools: hairbrushes/combs including long-handled varieties, hairdryers, hair straighteners microfibre towels, hair clippers/razor, scissors, hair dryer stand or clamp.
• Try different products liquid, solid bar, dry shampoo, conditioning bar, cream, detangling spray, leave in products, unscented products.
• Experiment with shower versus the bath for washing hair. If you have a shower over the bath try taking the detachable hose off the hook and using it on right on your child's head.
• Get them to sit down so they don't have to balance and do the task.
• Teach one step at a time. Use the backward chaining method.
• Get your child/young person to watch videos of how to do the task.

Make it predictable:

• Set rules around how often, where, when and how you do these tasks.
• Have a routine so that it happens in the same way every time.
• Try using visual timetables like now and next, or a sequence chart or a visual timer so they know when it will finish.
• Use distraction if you need to - watch a favourite cartoon or video.
• Get them to do it themselves - being in control can make it easier to tolerate.
• Keep all your child/young person's tools/products in one place.

Think about the environment:

• Make sure the environment is safe, use a non-slip mat in the bath/shower, supervise your child around water, teach them how to test the temperature of the water, to keep their hands away from scissors etc.
• Use a mirror so they can see what is happening and what are they doing.
• Go to the barbers or hairdresser at quiet times. Getting to know the barber/hair dresser and visiting even when not getting a hair cut can be helpful for some children/young people.
• Reduce other sensory demands - if your child doesn't like the feel of a hair cut, reduce noise, turn the lights down etc.

Managing Periods

Prepare your daughter well in advance of her starting her periods:

• Read books together about the changes to her body (see resources below)
• Show your daughter the different types of sanitary products. There are lots of options out there, disposable/reusable sanitary towels and tampons, menstrual cups and period pants. Talk about what would work best for her. Sanitary towels and period pants are usually a good starting point.
• Once you have decided what will work best, practice using them. Practice all the steps. Remember to practice opening the product, putting it in/out of pants and disposing of it appropriately. Practice until they are confident with all the steps.
• Some people need pictures to help them understand what to do. There are some resources below. Some products also have pictures in the instructions. You may need to put the pictures beside the toilet to remind her what to do.
• Many girls and women find period pants to be more comfortable. They are particularly useful for anyone who physically struggles with putting in and taking out a sanitary towel or for people who have difficulty managing each step in the right order.
• Have your child practice wearing pads or period pants from time to time before starting their periods, to get used to how it feels. Start with just a minute or two and gradually build up over time.
• Talk about hygiene with your daughter. Talk about the importance of changing their pads/pants every few hours, showering daily, washing their hands before and after going to the toilet.
• Keep a bin close to the toilet for your daughter to dispose of used pads/tampons. If using reusable products make sure she has somewhere to put them before until they are ready to be washed (a wet/wash bag or specific bin/bucket with a lid).
• In public toilets show your daughter the sanitary disposal bin and how it works. Explain that this is where used sanitary towels and tampons go. Tell your daughter these will be in the school toilets.
• When your child first starts their periods they may have accidents, or get blood on their hands, the floor or clothes. Reassure your child that this is normal. Keeping a small pack of baby wipes with their sanitary pads will help with any clean up. A change of pants/trousers and fresh pads in their school bag may also be necessary. Practise cleaning up and changing at home. Teach your child to put used wipes in the bin. Do not flush wipes or sanitary products down the toilet.
• Help your child keep track of her/their periods by marking on a calendar when they start and end. This will help your daughter learn to predict when her next period is due so that she are prepared and has period products with her.
• Remember to take a bag with a change of clothes and sanitary products to any clubs or activities.

Sensory Aspects of Periods

The onset of periods can be particularly challenging for some neurodivergent young people or others who have heightened sensory awareness. Periods involve a lot of new sensory experiences including:

• the feeling of blood leaking from the vagina
• the smell of the blood or the sanitary products (either when new or used)
• the look of blood in pants or on toilet paper
• the feeling of the sanitary towel or period pants
• the fear of touching the blood
• the feeling of stomach cramps, sore breasts or other hormone related body changes.

Your child may not be able to identify what is making them feel uncomfortable or distressed so trial and error may be required to get to the bottom of it.

Experiment with hygiene products: different brands of sanitary towels, menstrual cups, tampons and period pants, to find what is most comfortable and preferred. If appropriate for your child, treat it as a science experiment or adventure where records are kept of what has been tried, what the outcome was (good things and bad things about each product) and what is next.

Changing towels, tampons, or pants more frequently may help reduce the smell. A perfume or body spray that your child likes may help cover smells. Many disposable sanitary products are perfumed. If this is an issue, then look for unscented products or reusable products.

Using disposable gloves may reduce anxiety about touching blood – gloves that fit well are easier to use.

Have wipes available – teach your child not to flush wipes down the toilet, dispose of them in the bin.

If your child is afraid or anxious about blood, you may need to prepare them well in advance, using pictures such as those included in the resources below.

If your child is struggling with severe pain, heavy periods or mood swings, discuss with your GP what would be helpful to manage these symptoms.

This information uses the terms daughter, girl, woman, she. We acknowledge that not all people who get periods identify with these terms.

Resources:

• Starting your periods NHS UK
• What are Periods? Young Scot
• Talking to your child about their body and puberty Parent Club
• Let's talk about puberty Down Syndrome Scotland
• The Autism Friendly Guide to Periods
• What’s Happening to Ellie: A book about puberty for girls with autism and other related conditions by Kate E Reynolds
• Special Girls Business by Fay Angelo, Heather Pritchard and Rose Stewart (This book has been written for girls with special needs. It takes girls and their carers step by step through the process of managing periods)

Nail Care

Some children/young people have difficulty tolerating having their nails cut. Start by talking to your child/young person about what it is they don’t like about nail care. This will help you to work out which strategies to try. If they can't tell you you will need to be a detective and make a best guess about what your child/young person is finding distressing and use trial and error to find the strategies that work best. 

Here are some suggestions for you to try with your child:

• Try different tools: nail scissors (curved or straight), nail clippers, nail file. You might need to experiment with a few different things before finding what is most comfortable for your child. Some children take a little while to adapt to new sensations so try to use a new tool 4 or 5 times before trying the next thing.
• Use visual supports like now and next to help your child understand what is happening.
• Try cutting or filing nails after a bath when your child’s nails are a bit softer.
• Break the task down into tiny steps and do one steps at a time. For example, just cut one nail.
• Use distraction: Let them watch a favourite programme or video, sing a song together, play with a toy or listen to music while you cut their nails.
• Sometimes it can be easier to tolerate nail care if your child/young person can cut or file their nails themselves. Teach them how to do it themselves and teach them how to do it safely.

Teeth Brushing

Brushing your teeth is an essential part of looking after your body. Your child should be brushing their teeth at least twice a day. They will need help from you until they are 7 years old. You can find out more from:

• The British Society of Paediatric Dentistry (BSPD) A Practical Guide to Children's Teeth
• Childsmile Oral health for 5 to 12 year olds

Going to the toilet at school is more complicated than going to the toilet at home. Your child needs to be able to:

• Ask to go to the toilet
• Find their way to the toilets
• Manage their clothes
• Wipe themselves
• Wash and dry their hands
• Make their way back to the classroom.

You can find information about how to develop these skills in the toileting section.

If your child is not toilet trained by the end of May the year that they are going to school then speak to school staff.